J for.......

      Loser??? Useless??? Defeatist???? What nonsense…….. my name is Joyshurjo which means ‘victorious sun’ or ‘the sun which has achieved victory’………sounds strong, doesn’t it?? When the name is so strong, can the person bearing the name be anything different??……..I am still trying to figure out why my grandmother has named me so…what qualities has she seen in me to put such a heavy tag around my neck? (Neither I have any victory to my name till date and nor I have that glow to spread light in everyone’s lives) I am never sure of anything (every person I have come across has told me that I look confused)….in fact I am not even sure what I should say when I am asked my name (seriously!!!)..should I say ‘Jaysurya’(for others to be able to pronounce it easily) or should I say ‘Joyshurjo’(which is what my name is in Bengali)…….so, a person who gets addled when asked for his name,can he be sure of anything else??? Isn't it unfair that others expect confidence in me??
      But I can say one thing with surety that I am the black sheep in my family……….I pity my parents who might have thought that the family’s qualities would get brushed off on me but I have successfully managed to brush them off me….(my skin pigment is ‘naya Apex Ultima: bahari deewaron pe dhul ko tikne na de’).
     I stand last (almost) in my 70 odd strong class….well that’s consistency since I stood 70th in the mah-engg cet as well……..the 9 pointers feel that I am……err…(well actually they are unaware of my presence)……well, my pals sometimes refer to me as ‘baal ki dukaan’ (they say that I am hairy, very hairy)…..but my body hair actually adds only 200 gm to my weight (oops……..I forgot to add one more zero to the right).....my classmates are apprehensive about my temper (my message to them ‘please don’t tamper with my temper’…afterall tampering is never appreciated be it ‘ball tampering’ or ’evidence tampering’ or ’file tampering’)……my parents dote on me (I don’t exactly know what doting means but my pals say that they have doting parents; so I think that even I have doting parents)…….if I ask for a fancy meal then I am told to get used to plain meals as that’s what I would be able to get in future……my pillow was cut in halves to make a comfortable sleeping mattress for the pup my brother had brought home a couple of months back (is this doting???).
      My technical knowledge is as good as Rabindranath Tagore’s command over Hindi…….. …infact I don’t even have the nuisance value that a certain Mamta Bannerjee enjoys (don’t rub your eyes when you read that she has devoted followers…..although whether they understand or not what she says is a big question……whether even she understands what she says is an even bigger question…….but they all love her….and as we all know love is blind; in this case deaf)…well talking about deafness……it can be both good and bad……..in MB’s case it is good for her…….however when I speak my words fall on deaf ears which is not so good.
      Philosophers say that when you feel angst you should look at people who are in a worse state than the one you are in……..eg: when you feel that you don’t have much money to enjoy life then you should look at the roadside beggar(that’s common perception…….nowadays there are a few millionaire,multi-millionaire beggars as well….so choose your beggar properly)……so when my peers feel down and out they look at me and realize that they are far better off(in fact on top of the world)……so,I guess a few suicides get averted.
     Well,well,well………what do I have here!!!!!!………do I have a situation where I am worthy enough????......Guys……I think I do…….so,I am not worthless after all……now I feel good.